I was fortunate enough last weekend to be able to serve the youth by playing music worship for their annual retreat (with some awesome leaders alongside me: Hannah D., Jericho, and Nieman). This year's theme was to be "radical". It was all about pursuing and following Christ in a society like ours today ( where it's definitely not the most popular to be "Christian").
I'll be honest with you all, I was not that excited to serve. In fact, I was apathetic, uninspired, uninterested, and tired. I actually had grown weary of serving. Retreat had ALWAYS been something I was excited for, but a quick review of my peers ( all younger ones and not much my age anymore) and my thoughts quickly transformed me into a complacent person. I kept on asking myself,
Does retreat genuinely affect anyone or is it always just an emotional high?
Where are my peers now?
What happened to them?
Did they even learn from any of the retreats?
Why do I have to be here and others don't have to work so hard in serving?
Does my serving and constant work in music worship even do anything?
Will these young ones ultimately forget about what they learned and fall out of the faith even when truth is spoken to them time and time again?
Yes. I was quite disgusted with my personal thoughts. You guys can tell me... "You should not feel that way when you're serving God! YOUR HEART SHOULD BE HAPPY TO SERVE! Jesus died for you, you know!"
and yes... I know that. Don't get me wrong... I absolutely love to serve the church through music worship. I've sang for the church ever since I was a little girl. For pete's sake, I have a video of me at 2 years old singing Jesus loves me. I would not do it if I didn't love it, but sometimes... it's hard. Sometimes... I don't want to, or I don't feel like it. Sometimes... I believe it's easier to not have the responsibility of being a Christian and having these Christian "duties". And even sometimes... I covet the life of a nonbeliever. Yes. I said it.
Gasp.
I know it's crazy.Why, you ask?
No rules, no feelings of guilt in my actions because of my "Christian thoughts". I could do whatever I want, and no one can truly judge me and rebuke me with their "christianese". I wouldn't have to worry about having to act Christian on Sundays if I ever decided to party it up the night before.
All so easy.
Too easy.
But I wonder what Christ would have done if he decided that dying wasn't right for him. I'm pretty sure that he would have found it easier if he did not have to die for those who constantly rejected him. And yet he chose to die, so that we may live and in hopes, live to serve him and love him as much as he loves us. He loved my heart to death.
wow.
Being radical is a continuous action of dying to ourselves. It is a daily decision to choose Christ over what the world has to offer. Sometimes... what the world has is overwhelmingly more enticing and we will fail, more than once. We will hurt, more than once.
But still...
While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
Love was freely given by Christ and yet we still reciprocate by rebelling...
God has already given me something far greater than what the world offers daily. I want to praise and serve him because of everything he has done for me through Christ. That is why I still do what I do with music worship and why I am the way that I am. I still feel I could do more. I'm not perfect and I do fail, but I know there is a desire to be different in comparison to the world. I choose Christ.
He took up his cross so that we may live.
With that in mind, it should incline us take up our cross and follow.
Oh Lord you've searched me.
You know my way
Even when I fail you
I know you love me.
Continuing to pray for those who have received the word this past weekend, and those who have in past retreats. Praying we all be reminded of what Christ has done for our lives.
So yes. A lot on my mind and heart, but with that.. well end it on a cute little note. Here are some pics I took this weekend ( mostly of my cute little niece, Aubrey)! :]
- Rachel Marie
